Karen Keller
Knowing when to say no is a major first step in getting to yes.
How?
Psychologically, when people hear no their immediate reaction is how they can turn that 'no' into a yes. For instance, when you tell the car salesperson, "not today", they begin to figure out ways to make the deal even sweeter - to your advantage. Saying no can open up doors that yes never would.
Another example is when you say no to your kids having 20 kids for a sleepover. Then they will begin negotiating to the manageable 6 friends. Saying no leads to better more effective negotiation.
Yes is tempting because we all have the human desire to be liked, get approval, and make others happy. Yes really isn't yes when it's at the expense of yourself.
Some people find it hard to say no for a few reasons; you want to help, you don't want to be rude, you like agreement, you fear conflict, and you don't want to burn bridges. Notice these reasons are all thoughts (false beliefs) not truths. We are conditioned to care for others often to our own detriment.
So, when is the time to say no? There are three specific conditions on knowing when to say no.
1. It's Not In Your Best Interest. Some people expect you to cover for them, basically, lie. You know that lies usually come back to haunt you. Trust your gut when anyone expects or requests you to not be forthcoming with the truth. Trust your intuition because if it smells like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck. You will find yourself saying 'yes' when the truth is offered by everyone, including your friend.
2. Saying Yes Violates Your Boundaries. When yes goes against your core values and beliefs, no is the better answer. Never compromise what took years of sweat and soul searching to accomplish. Whenever you go against your core values is when you have a difficult time facing yourself in the mirror. Self-disappoint will carry over into low self-esteem and even lower self-worth, an in turn, causing serious doubts about your business and your own success.
3. Stress Relief. When you are in overwhelm, up to your neck in work, or not sleeping due to commitments, is a time to stop, take an inventory of your time and realize you are headed for a breakdown. Saying no at this point, taking back a few 'yeses' can be a life saver - both mentally and physically. And no need to pile on the guilt. Guilt is an emotion that is only useful when it serves to remind you of when you’ve done something wrong or caused someone harm.
It's about how you say no, rather than the fact you're saying no, that affects the outcome. Listen to your priorities, needs, beliefs and values. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your time and space. The wise person knows that saying no will benefit both parties - even if they disagree.
