Karen Keller
What does likeability have to do with influence? Everything.
For instance, when was the last time you left your child with someone you didn’t like? How many times do you buy from someone you despise? When did you follow a dislikeable person’s instructions? How much do you listen to a person who pretends to be someone they aren’t?
Probably not much, if at all.
Why? Because when you don’t like someone, you don’t pay attention, you keep your distance, you don’t buy from them, and you don’t believe them. It’s human nature. We are attracted to what makes us safe and secure, keeps us happy and gives us a sense of ease and hope.
We tend to believe and trust a person we like. It makes it easier to engage with them from a space of realness. You can develop personal and business relationships. Networking depends on likeability. Likeability is tied to some of your deepest, long-standing habits and traits.
What qualities cause you to be likeable? What makes you a desired person to be around, to talk and share with, and to call a friend? There are several traits that you can develop, which also translate into the business world. Here are 5 of them:
- Authenticity. Never be someone you’re not. Being who you are makes you stand out in the crowd. There’s no point in having people like you when you’re a phony. Being phony means you really don’t like who you are, so why would you expect others to like you?
- Serving. Be attentive to others and their needs. Focus more on them instead of yourself. Listen closely to what you can do for them or how you can be helpful. Acting in a servant role means being approachable and available. Give your time, your energy, your emotions and your understanding. It’s true; the things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone. The things you do for others last forever.
- Similarity. People tend to gravitate towards others who are most like them. When you share a connection with someone, it puts you at ease. Finding similarities increases your comfort with new people. But it doesn’t stop there. No two people are identical in every way. It’s important to discover how you are different from others because it’s these differences that create curiosity and curiosity creates attraction. Be prepared to build bridges to your differences.
- Self-Image. What you think, feel and believe about yourself is a strong determinant as to how likeable you are. For example, if you see yourself as being really shy, then others may not notice you or avoid you because they don’t know how to approach you. (Not that this is necessarily true!) On the other hand, if you feel confident, you will be yourself, saying what you think and feel.
- Transparency. Be clear about who you are. Show yourself to the world. This means you need to take a risk. Never lie. Your credibility is depending on your ability to tell the truth. If you can’t tell the truth, i.e., you look fat in that dress, then keep your mouth shut. Nothing good ever comes from a statement that starts with, “I thought you should know...”
Being likeable is a choice you have control over. You determine to what extent you will have the attention, admiration or respect from your peers, bosses or friends. Don’t waste time; start now in developing and cultivating the important habits or traits that will make you likeable.
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